What does it take to grow ...
Despite what I know is true I still ask even if it means my pride is at stake or even worse that I seem annoying. Why annoying? Some might say I'm ambitious, over-achiever-type and way too curious or enthusiastic. There's some truth in the ambition part. But I'd describe my ambition as a desire to learn, grow, be challenged and take charge of a project and execute it successfully. I have no desire to use my ambition for evil gain or for purely satanical reasons. I have no interest in boasting or envy - just pure knowledge gain.
And for the enthusiasm and curiosity parts? Well for enthusiasm and curiosity that's who I am. I'm curious about how things work - I like to demystify the science behind how things are made. Sure I can just be a QA person and do my work accurately and mindlessly but what good is that? It's terrible. I'm sitting there for 8 hours a day - what's the point of being unaware of the impact my work?
So I asked in a general, vague and round about way. The worst part? I was standing up instead of sitting because I wasn't sure if my boss was allowing me the time to sit down and have a chat. I did ask him a few days ago if we could talk on this particular day. But my voice sounded unusually high because I was nervous. I practiced in the bathroom mirror and felt fine until I had to face the reality.
Is this just a female thing - the emotional part? My sister says it's a female thing because women are trained to be submissive and obedient. And for them to advocate for themselves is very stressful and draining.
Well I asked and my boss said there was no money. I was nearly on the verge of tears and ready to crumble to the floor in frustration. I offered to forego my
My boss responded by saying he knows where the feeling comes from and double checked my pay raise went through the system. Does he know where the feeling comes from? I hate when people say they know. You can't really "know," unless you're in that very same position asking for a chance, anything just to see what ideas you can offer.
I'm tired of sitting at a desk all day and looking at numbers. Isn't 3 years enough to prove my loyalty, dedication and commitment? I have no answers nor do I understand the system or the structure. People email me asking if I can get them a job with the company telling me it's their top choice for employment ...
So what does it take to grow, to learn and be rewarded with opportunities? Maybe it's still the good-ole boy system that I can never fit into ... I've shared what I've learned from taking the exam a second time with my boss - sending detailed notes, emails I get from corporate's free training course over the web or taking out my notebook and showing all the different markings I've made. So now what?